Online Translators FTW!

While translating some emails at work today, my handy online Japanese-English converter handed out these gems:

“Overseas Branch, All of You” means?
“I can’t be bothered to determine which country I’m actually speaking to”
OR
“Hello distant members of the corporate collective!”

“The Thickness of Meat” means?
A Metal Band from Denmark
OR
A Seat Belt Component Design Feature

"It spread out the palm of one's hand to foreign countries" refers to?
A Missing Excerpt from the Book of Revelations
OR
Instructions to Diversify our Supply Chain

You decide.