Everything Really Is Better With Zombies

Completely unable to resist the allure of the evil undead, I bought “Pride And Prejudice And Zombies” recently. While it was somewhat jarring reading, overall, I quite liked the book. And zombies really do make everything better. In full post, there are many spoilers as I discuss the changes that I liked and (a few) that I didn’t.

Overall: Worth reading if you enjoyed the original and don’t mind some gore.
(Slight aside: I can't believe I didn't have a "zombies" tag until now!)


Changes I Really Liked:

1) Wickham really got his and voluntarily too! Lydia still gets off scott-free and totally delusional (as in the original – oh how I long for a story where she becomes more than a caricature).

2) Mr. Bennett is made into the early nineteenth century version of a gentlemen survivalist nut. When zombies take over, every gentlemen in England apparently went flocking to the Orient to learn proper beheading skills in order to protect their families. Bennett however, decided the best way to protect five daughters was if they could protect themselves (“Girls, Pentagram of Death!” - hehehe). Of all the changes, this felt like the most natural progression from the original novel.

3) Lady Catherine & her ninjas – making her a legendary zombie-killing bad-ass was a really good call. Without that, the new Elizabeth’s toleration of her behavior would have been completely out of character. Plus, I really liked how completely disposable those ninjas were. No matter the problem she had, Lady Catherine always just threw some ninjas at it. Don’t like Elizabeth? Goad her into dueling your ninjas. Angry Mr. Darcy won’t marry your daughter? Send your ninjas to invade Pemberly. So very in keeping with her personality.

4) Mary was a lot more interesting as a dedicated warrior who never married (but still developed a few relationships with the soldiers protecting the countryside). I especially liked how when it appeared that Wickham had kidnapped Lydia, both she & Kitty swore to kill him and then spent the whole debacle in the dojo devising slow, painful ways to fulfill their oath. Mary was still utterly embarrassing but somehow more sisterly than I remember from the original.

5) They gave Darcy a sense of humor, especially when having to deal with Miss Bingley. While it was done with some ribald jokes, they managed to show that the only way a Mr. Darcy trained in combat could NOT kill Caroline Bingley where she stood was to make fun of her without her knowing. That the author gave Elizabeth just enough knowledge of sex to get the jokes actually helped justify her change of mind later. In the original, this always seems a little abrupt but here, where no matter her opinion on Darcy she at least respects his fighting skills and his ability to toy with Miss Bingley without her catching on, it works.

6) Whatever Mr. Collins’ other flaws, he did care for the woman he married and was devastated by the act of killing her to spare her becoming a full zombie. I liked how it was done off screen and the characters were caught up enough in their own drama that they didn’t dwell on it. In a world overrun by zombies, it is just one more tragedy.

7) They managed to make Jane a 100% believable zombie-killer while changing absolutely none of her personality as a generally good, kind-hearted person. Prior to reading this book, I would have never believed this possible.

8) The fact that zombies, driven mad by hunger for brains, easily mistake cauliflower for their favorite organ and can be trapped thusly.

9) The “Literary Questions” at the end of the novel were hilarious! Just like re-printed classics which try to spur on classroom discussion with talking points, these questions for the most part focused on the strange, dual nature of the characters as zombie killers and members of the English gentry. Although, my favorite: "Does Mrs. Bennett have a single redeeming quality?"

Changes I Did NOT Like:

1) In a book where the deprivations of the undead are universally condemned, not the least for eating human flesh, I could have done without Elizabeth taking a bite from the heart of Lady Catherine’s ninja that she killed while dueling and dreaming quite so specifically about drinking blood from Mr. Darcy’s skull as vengeance for his wrongs against Jane. It did little to distinguish her from her friend, Charlotte’s descent into zombie-dom.

2) They made Mrs. Gardiner unfaithful to her husband for no reason whatsoever. In some respects, the Gardiners are supposed to be the foil for the Bennetts, everything that the latter couple is not. This is both to represent that Elizabeth does have a clear example of a successful marriage nearby and to demonstrate to Mr. Darcy that not all of the Bennett relatives are embarrassing. By making Mrs. Gardiner so careless, they undermine the importance of that marriage in being both a catalyst and a standing example for Mr. Darcy’s & Elizabeth’s burgeoning affections.

Still, these two are fairly minor quibbles in a quite satisfying book.

Link to full post.

Poem of the Week #20

Very Late but with 2 BONUS! Haiku...

A:
Bewildered drifting
Metal arcs frozen, silent
In pain evermore.

B:
Imposition great
That no puppy eyes can cure.
Plants are enough work.

C:
Blue/orange hoops dangle
Required & exacting much;
I leap - to what end?

BONUS! 1
Buttons stick with sweat.
Sensors hum, all out of tune.
These are excuses!

BONUS! 2
Gems of power gleam
With hues too varies and wild.
I need order, thrice.

Enjoy!

Link to full post.

My Memorial Day Spree

So, in commemoration of our fallen veterans, I purchased a Xbox this weekend & “Guitar Hero: World Tour”. Needless to say, I have been having lots of fun. While setting up & using the Xbox & game was a total cinch, I did have some trouble with purchasing the GHWT game. Basically, I wasn’t paying attention in the store and just grabbed what I knew I wanted & checked out. I got home, set up my Xbox, turned to the “Guitar Hero” box and went “Why does it say Playstation 2?....Shit.” Thankfully, “Best Buy” was very understanding and let me exchange it but I felt like the biggest idiot because it says “Playstation 2” in about half a dozen locations all over the box. HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT?!

“Guitar Hero” is awesome btw. I’m not very good but the game is so fun that I don’t care. Only, I have no endurance. I’ve got maybe an hour’s worth of play in me and then my hands whether from drums or guitar are just done. And I need a decent stool for the drum set. I was just sitting on my coffee table but that’s really uncomfortable after a while, especially for songs where you have to use the foot pedal a lot. Also, there is nothing better in the world than playing drums for Foreigner's "Hot-Blooded".

I also joined X-Box Live, originally to download new music for "Guitar Hero" but I quickly began downloading games from the arcade & ODing on demos. The best of which (by far) was the "Portal" demo. Dear God, that was AWESOME!!! As soon as I get some more Points, I'm downloading the full game. It was just wonderfully interesting and creepy and it's a game about solving puzzles with PORTALS! Who wouldn't like that?!

PS - I know there should be a PotW#20 posted by now but Sunday night, instead of writing poems, I stayed up until 3am trying for a PuzzleMode Achievement in "Bejeweled 2" (and, eventually, got it). The Poem will be up later in the week.

Link to full post.

Poem of the Week #19

Very, very late. But here goes:

PotW #19

A gleefully blank day flies.
My hands awhirl, carefully
Selecting hues & pieces
For walls unknown & nowhere,
Except a vague "someday" soon.

Bonus Haiku (as penance for lateness)
Blinking cursor sits -
Daring and cue-less to me;
A tool out of reach.

Link to full post.

Overheard At Work, pt 19

Released from work a little early, plan to spend weekend introducing myself to "Guitar Hero: World Tour" (more on that later). For now,

QualityGuy: [returning a borrowed part] Once again, you have out pack-ratted me.

Link to full post.

Arachnid Assassination Plot FAIL

Clearly the world of creepy-crawlies could not let my gleeful post on Zombie fire ants go unpunished. While reading on-line responses to tonight's "Supernatural" finale (WOW!), I look up to see one of nature's stingiest arachnids attempting to nonchalantly scuttle into my bedroom. "It's just summer in San Antonio" you say? *shakes head* No, this can't be coincidence. They're after me. But, they will have to do better than a mere Infiltrator-Scorpion-Ninja-Assassin as he was easily foiled by a rear attack with a pair of needle-nose pliers.

Additionally, while I hate and despise scorpions to the extent seeing them fills me with more dread than other household creatures with more than four legs, I enjoy mocking their utter lack of hiding skills. No matter what surface they are on when you spot them, they always freeze like they still live in a world where "if I don't move, it won't see me" is an effective anti-predation defense. They could be on a brilliant chartreuse paisley-print pillow but upon being spotted, hold very still and act like eight-legged arachnids with curling stinger tails are always found on chartreuse paisley-print pillows, didn't you know? Silly scorpions. I wave my needle-nose pliers at you in defiance!

Of course, now I can't go to bed for a while....*clings to pliers*

Link to full post.

Zombie Fire Ants!

Finally, those pernicious insects which haunt every yard in Texas are getting what's coming to them! Found via AceofSpades, here's an article with all the wonderfully gory details. That's the thing about Nature, she's so much more disturbing than most horror films:

The flies "dive-bomb" the fire ants and lay eggs. The maggot that hatches inside the ant eats away at the brain, and the ant starts exhibiting what some might say is zombie-like behavior.
.....The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head, but Plowes said he "wouldn't use the word 'control' to describe what is happening. There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks."
About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs.

But wait! It gets better. The flies terrify (rightfully so) the ants!

Plowes said fire ants are "very aware" of these tiny flies, and it only takes a few to cause the ants to modify their behavior.

"Just one or two flies can control movement or above-ground activity," Plowes said. "It's kind of like a medieval activity where you're putting a castle under siege."

I know it may seem exceedingly petty to revel in the horrific death of an anonymous hive insect but considering how often & how badly I got bit by these things when I was a kid, dude, revenge is SWEET. *wonders where I can purchase large quantities of phorid fly*

Link to full post.

Poem of the Week #18

Well, last week was a good week for writing poetry, just none of it very good. Below are the least bad example(s):

PotW #18
Earthy aroma floating
Upon my mind - cart ready.
The shelf lacks! Another, less,
Waits, pale granules taunting -
Not expected nor desired.
How will I awaken now?

Bonus Haiku! (for the lateness)
Crunch, snap, crackle, yum.
Nature's bounty broken crisp -
My tongue tastes verdant.

Link to full post.

My Beliefs...

...At least as well as they can be described with an internet quiz. The top result really isn't surprising. After that they are just nonsensical frankly. There were several questions on this quiz where my option simply wasn't available or the least inaccurate option wasn't quite correct. I think that led to some funny percentages.

The most unexpected outcome is that the religion I was raised "Roman Catholic" was ranked equally with Islam and less than Mormonism?! Neither religion I've ever felt the least affinity for. Or that I'm more Scientologist than Catholic? Really?! Why is that even an option? Why don't they just include Pastafarianism while they're at it?

Here's the results:

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Theravada Buddhism (95%)
3. Mahayana Buddhism (80%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (79%)
5. Secular Humanism (79%)
6. Liberal Quakers (78%)
7. Nontheist (78%)
8. New Thought (77%)
9. Neo-Pagan (74%)
10. Orthodox Judaism (72%)
11. Reform Judaism (72%)
12. Hinduism (69%)
13. New Age (68%)
14. Scientology (65%)
15. Sikhism (65%)
16. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (62%)
17. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (62%)
18. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (62%)
19. Eastern Orthodox (58%)
20. Islam (58%)
21. Roman Catholic (58%)
22. Taoism (49%)
23. Baha'i Faith (47%)
24. Jainism (47%)
25. Jehovah's Witness (40%)
26. Orthodox Quaker (40%)
27. Seventh Day Adventist (38%)

Quiz found via carnaby fudge

Link to full post.

Friday Fury of DOOM

It's Friday, yes? That time of blissful relaxation where I'm browsing my favorite web sites and groovin' to some new music purchases. Or it would be blissful relaxation if I hadn't received 5 (FIVE!) calls from telemarketers in the last HOUR!

FYI marketing people: if your company, organization, political group or charity calls my house using a recorded message, I am hanging up on you. I don't care if you're calling to tell me aliens are invading and I need to evac now. If you can't take the time to put a real, live person on the phone than this real, live person has no time for you.

Also, this is going to sound mean but when someone with a clearly Indian accent introduces herself as "Mary Brown", I'm hanging up as forcefully as possible. Because if you're willing to encourage your employees to lie to me in such a blatant & ridiculous manner, well, what do you encourage when you think no one will notice? I have no problem at least hearing out someone who introduces herself as "Aruna from Mumbai calling on behalf of Bank of America", but don't frickin' lie to me first thing!

If I get another call in the next ten minutes, I'm unplugging the phone for the weekend. Anyone important emails me anyway.

Link to full post.

Wolf Club For Men

With their own T-Shirts....And the most hilarious Amazon reviews ever. My favorite:

After reading the reviews i ordered a dozen of these hoping to either bring my wife back from the dead or at the very least meet the wolf god who took her. Neither of these happened. Nothing has happened. Nothing ever happens, and I don't know why expect online purchases to plug the hole in my heart. Nothing has, nothing will, and certainly not some wolves howling at the moon.

*snickers*

Link to full post.

May2009 Desktop

After months of super light (grey & pale yellow) desktops, I’ve embraced color. Maybe re-planting my patio garden spurred this, but I chose a green-theme. And it looks awesome!

Clean:

Busy: (the Nautilus background is a borderline to me but it was the best match, even a solid color didn't work as well)

Expo w/ terminal, firefox & songbird:

Details:
Wallpaper – I have no idea where I got it.
Emerald Theme – Fedora Light WEED VER
Controls Theme – (modified so colors match) Clearlooks Mod
Icon Theme – Gion
Firefox Theme – Vista-Nature
Songbird Theme – Euphoria
System Font – Purisa BOLD
Nautilus Background – Green Muted Pattern
Gnome Panel Image – My own creation “Grn-Gloss3”

On a side-note, adding new patterns for Nautilus backgrounds & creating my own panel images are both in the category of “Obscenely Easy Tasks That I’m Embarrassed Took Me This Long To Actually Do”.

Seriously, this is all it took to creating the panel took a whopping 2 minutes using GIMP and that includes saving 3 different panels with different transparencies. The one shown is the one that best matched the rest of my desktop. Still, since installing Ubuntu how many hours have I wasted searching Gnome-Look for the perfect panel when I could have just made one? Clearly I need to develop a more proactive mind-set when it comes to tweaking.

Link to full post.

Poem of the Week #17

A little late but present. It's Haiku cop-out #3 (of 13) this week.

A:
Incandescent ire
Unleashed! But not needed, you say?
(small voice) Nevermind.

B:
Hentai tape grapples
Against those with no desire
For its attentions.

C:
Footlong's worth of hope
for Mr. Bartowski's health.
Will kung fu save him?
*fingers crossed for renewal of "Chuck"*

Link to full post.